Ransomed

At The End Of The Day...

2009-03-25T14:55:00.001-05:00

Two of the most important days of my life are the day I gave my life to Jesus Christ and the day I married Renee. However, the last day of both of these is the most important because that shows I fulfilled both covenants. This means that I have to invest in both these relationships everyday to be able to see it from the first day to the last. So in a culture that has an agenda against God and thinks nothing of having 2 to 3 tries at marriage…I am passionate about both God and my wife. I will fight for both till my last breath!

My Upmost Fear

2008-08-22T16:37:00.005-05:00

There is a verse in a song that every time I hear it it shakes me to the core! And I end up thinking about it the rest of the day. The verse is...

"What if after all of this, my life should come up short in the final scales?
Should I wait for time to tell?"

If there is one thing I don't want to do it is to come up short! I don't want to die and leave a gaping hole in my kid’s lives. It scares me to think that I am helping mould them and shape them. Giving them a world view that will guide them for the rest of their lives. I know they will learn things along the way and come to some conclusions on their own...but it is the foundation I help lay that they will build on. I don't want them to come up short either with the things that I teach them. What am I teaching them about God? What am I teaching them about character? Am I teaching them how to be a friend by my own examples? What about compassion? Do I show them how to give out of need? What about living a Godly life and perusing the blessings of God and not his curses? Will I show them that sin separates you from God and we need to ask for forgiveness to reconcile with Him. Oh God, will I show them that sin is evil and not to take it lightly? Will they remember seeing me crack open The Bible and long to do the same? What am I teaching them? Will they get that we made financial sacrifices because we believed strongly that WE should raise them and mom stayed home to do so? Will they see that we tried to glorify God in everything we did...that we tried to pray over decisions and submit to Gods authority? And will they see that the reason we did all of this was because it was right?
I am so thankful for a wife who pushes me toward righteousness: a wife who supports me and is willing to go against the culture. I am nothing without her!!! She is the one who completes me...who is just as committed as I am...if not more!
I fear that life is just passing me by. That I am not doing enough in my life or my family's. I want my heart to break for my kids...to be jealous for the things of God for them. I want to leave a legacy that will expand the Kingdom of God (in their lives)long after I hear the words, "Well done thy good and faithful servant". Oh let me hear those words and not come up short!

God Is Good!

2008-08-02T16:37:00.003-05:00

It’s kind of funny how you forget something’s…Renee and I were talking before she left for her trip to MD. She made the reference that it had been a hard and stressful two years. I asked her what she was talking about with the statement that it had only been about a year since we decided to move Grandma in and start construction. She just looked at me and said, “Are you serious?” I had totally forgotten about me and the HELL we went though as a family!
It has been two years now since I woke up one morning to constant spasms in my neck that would literally force me to find comfort face down on the floor hugging a pillow. It slowly got worse with a new day bringing more challenges on how to lead a normal life. Renee took me to the ER two times because the pain and position the spasms would put me in made it difficult to breath. Because of some of the meds I was put on I would either sleep my life away or be up all night with suicidal thoughts. I could not function, let alone work, and the simplest task like giving my girls a bath became too much to bear. When I could stand it, time was spent on the internet trying to find out what this could be. At one point we thought it could be some sort of tumor on my spine putting pressure on my neck thus causing the spasms. But after a second option (after second option) by (many) Dr’s looking over my MRI’s that was ruled out.
At this point, we had no idea what was going on… so we pressed in, turning to the only comfort and strength we knew…GOD!
I seriously thought that I was dying a slow death! Each day now was more of a struggle then the day before. So out of desperation I convinced my family Dr. to give me a referral to the best Neuro / Movement Disorder Dr. in Michigan. I can’t recall his name, but it really sucks to go to one of the best Dr.’s around and have him look at you and say, “I have no idea why you are like this”. My (our) hope was crushed… another road that lead to nowhere. Another possible weight that could have been lifted now rests more heavy upon me. Why would I need a fear of drowning when breathing was taking everything I had! I could go on and on about the trials, the desperation, the heartache my family had. But now I would rather tell you why I think I forgot all about it…How could I forget…it was such a huge part of our life just a mere two years ago. Two years ago I was lying face down on the floor thinking I was dying…AND I FORGOT!?!
I have pondered that very thought the past weeks when I have been doing projects around the house. I would ask the question over and over in my mind and I could only come up with one answer…because GOD IS GOOD AND GRACIOUS! Yes, God is good…that is it…because God is Good! I am almost brought back to tears thinking of his goodness to me and our family. It’s not easy to write, it has taken a while to get here! I questioned where my blessings were, why I was being afflicted with pain and why this was happening when Renee and I have tried to do everything right. I could have easily failed. I could have easily given up. But one thing kept coming to mind... my kids were watching! How many others have been put to “the test” and failed? How many other ‘Christians” can write that God is good and truly believe it? How many of us still have the joy of salvation? My back was against the wall and it was time to believe in what I said I believed in. It was time to work out my salvation and I did not want to fail. Other people would have been affected by my decisions and eternal things were at stake. I always said that I wanted to glorify God in all that I did, but that is a little harder to say when storms arise. I had a lifetime of studying and learning the things of God but now I had to live it out. That was the hard part…living out what I truly believe. And I can say now with undeniable truth that that God is good. I have seen the face of Mercy, I have held the hand of comfort, and I have felt the loving touch of my Father. His goodness echo’s in my soul and I am the better man for walking through that time. For I have persevered though the night and found the promise of JOY in the morning. He has restored my thoughts and made something so tragic become a distant memory. It is because of His great mercy that I was able to withstand the fire. A fire that could have consumed me, instead…refined me!

So the reason I forgot was because it is no longer a tragic part of my life…it was a blessing!

Update On How Weird I'm Getting...

2008-06-07T10:10:00.004-05:00

Renee and I are pretty health conscience but the more I research what "they" are putting in our food the weirder "they" are forcing me to be...that's a great way of putting it...it's their fault I'm getting weird...who ever they are!
I (We) already made our family stop eating fast food, stopped drinking Pepsi and the such, and try to buy stuff without HFCS (high fructose corn syrup). I make my own bread when I can, and I buy eggs from a guy at work who makes his own feed and lets his chicken roam free. I even started eating more fruits and veggies! Weird!!! My next step is to buy RAW MILK from a local dairy to drink and make my own butter.
One of my favorite resources is Kelly The Kitchen Kop . Hope you enjoy the blog as much as I do. :)
Don't get me started on vaccines...just look at the comparison chart of CDC Mandatory Schedule 1983-2008...and we (our kids) are getting sicker!?!

Nik Makes Us Look Good

2008-06-06T03:41:00.004-05:00

Nik informed us (Renee and I) today that in that last 10 days he has read over 800 pages...let me repeat myself...in ten days over 800 pages!!! I guess this whole homeschooling thing might work out...or is working. Needless to say I am very proud of him. Would you like to know the secret to our great success with our kids? MY WIFE!!!

I Could Hardly Imagine

2008-06-01T13:34:00.004-05:00

I was reading through some of my favorite blogs today when my eye caught that person was praying for Steven Curtis Chapman. I did a quick google and found that his 5 year old daughter had passed away. In memory of Maria Sue Chapman (2003-2008)

My heart was immediately broken for the Chapman family. I could hardly imagine how great their loss is. I am moved to tears now just thinking how I would feel. For my 3 readers...If you haven't already, would you join me in praying for the Chapman family.

Still...

2008-05-18T23:17:00.004-05:00

This is still one of my favorite pictures.

Jeremy Riddle

2008-04-29T12:30:00.003-05:00

Every so often I come across a CD that I just can't get enough of. So for my 3 readers who visit my blog (half of you already know of him) here he is. Jeremy Riddle and his Full Attention CD. It is one of the best Worship CD's I have heard in a long time. Go and Buy it...then enjoy. I bet that you can't listen to it and not end up Worshipping!

Come Thou Fount

2008-04-12T10:41:00.003-05:00

I woke this morning with a heavy heart for some reason...a heart ready to break, a feeling that God is working in me. Renee and I are always on the go, which is convenient for me (at times) to say I have no time. No time to process what God might be doing in my life or where he wants our family to go. Don't get me wrong, I love God with my whole being...I want to honour him with my life...I'm just human! I run when I should walk, I talk when I should be listening, I hold my breath when I should be breathing, and I am LOUD when He say's "be still"...get what I'm saying? Last week in Service we sang Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing. It is a Hymn that I think of often, ever since I heard Renee teach the kids about Robert Robinson, the writer of the Hymn. His story resonates in me. My heart is prone to wander and wander it does! Take my heart Lord, take my heart and seal it for thy courts above...and help me to be still and know you are God.

The story starts...He ran a gang of rowdy youth heckling an old woman. “Give her some more liquor, boys!” a young man said. The poor gypsy woman was already so drunk she could hardly stand on her feet. But the wild and reckless young men were determined to get her even more drunk.

“Pour it into her, and we'll get her to tell our fortunes,” seventeen-year-old Robert Robinson shouted. Turning to the self-appointed leader, the bleary-eyed gypsy pointed a quivering finger and said, “Young man, you will live to see your children and your grandchildren.”

Her words haunted him. “If I'm going to live to see my children and grandchildren,” he thought, “I'll have to change my way of living.” So, that very night, half in fun and half seriously, he took his gang to an open air revival service where the famous evangelist George Whitefield was preaching. “We'll go down and laugh at the poor deluded Methodist,” he explained.

It was the year 1752, and the Spirit of God was already at work in the troubled heart of the wayward youth. That night, Whitefield preached from Matthew 3:7, “Who hath warned you to flee from the wrath to come?” The message both sobered and frightened young Robinson. He felt that the preacher was speaking to him and only to him.

On December 10, 1755, two years and seven months after hearing that sermon, twenty-year-old Robert Robinson made his peace with God, and found full and free forgiveness through the precious blood of Christ.

Joining the Methodists, and feeling the call to preach, the self-taught Robinson was appointed by John Wesley to the Calvinist Methodist Chapel, Norfolk, England. There, for the celebration of Whitsunday in 1858, three years after his marvelous conversion, he penned his spiritual autobiography.

His later life was evidently not an easy one. One day, he met a woman who was studying a hymnal, and she asked how he liked the hymn she was humming. In tears, he replied, “Madam, I am the poor unhappy man who wrote that hymn many years ago, and I would give a thousand worlds, if I had them, to enjoy the feelings I had then.”

1. Come, thou Fount of every blessing,
tune my heart to sing thy grace;
streams of mercy, never ceasing,
call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
mount of thy redeeming love.

2. Here I raise mine Ebenezer;
hither by thy help I'm come;
and I hope, by thy good pleasure,
safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
wandering from the fold of God;
he, to rescue me from danger,
interposed his precious blood.

3. O to grace how great a debtor
daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
prone to leave the God I love;
here's my heart, O take and seal it,
seal it for thy courts above.

Anniversary Weekend

2008-04-05T22:41:00.003-05:00

Well, April 2nd was our 14th anniversary. We were able to get away on Thursday for a night at The English Inn for dinner and stay. We were ready for some R and R seeing we both sleep for almost 12 hours. On friday we went over to some friends house for dinner with the kids. Today we went to the Tiger's game. We were able to watch the game from a suite thanks to some friends from Church. Here are some photo's of the day.

As We Forgive Those

2008-03-31T09:08:00.003-05:00

As We Forgive Those is another film about the Rwandan genocide. The more I learn about the Rwandan people the more I am humbled and pushed to be more like God. The stories of forgiveness are mind blowing! There were over one million slaughtered, nations turned their back in the middle of the genocide, and yet they teach us how to forgive. Please take time to learn about these people...they will challenge the very core of how you live your life with how they live out theirs.

As We Forgive Those

Resurrection Day

2008-03-23T12:02:00.003-05:00

Our Pastor read this today and I just wanted to share it with you. None of us in America will probably have to die for our faith but let this be a challange on how to live our faith. Thanks Father Jack for a great sermon!

This was found among a young Pastor's papers in Zimbabwe after he was martyred!

I'm a part of the fellowship of the unashamed. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I'm a disciple of His and I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.

My past is redeemed. My present makes sense. My future is secure. I'm done and finished with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, or first, or tops, or recognized, or praised, or rewarded. I live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by Holy Spirit power.

My face is set. My gait is fast. My goal is heaven. My road may be narrow, my way rough, my companions few, but my guide is reliable and my mission is clear.

I will not be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded or delayed.
I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice or hesitate in the presence of the adversary. I will not negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.
I won't give up, shut up, or let up until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, and preached up for the cause of Christ.

I am a disciple of Jesus. I must give until I drop, preach until all know, and work until He comes. And when He does come for His own, He'll have no problems recognizing me. My colors will be clear!

Good Friday

2008-03-21T19:45:00.001-05:00

Remember, "It Is Finished."

Is He Serious?

2008-03-20T15:13:00.004-05:00

I just saw bill clinton (name not capitalized on purpose) on the Martha Stewart show talking about how he is helping rebuild Rwanda through one of his global initiatives. Is this not the same man, who when he was President turned his back (along with the UN) on hundreds of thousands of slaughtered Rwandans? No matter how hard you try to make yourself look good mr. clinton, the blood of these people will always be on your hands...

Saint Patrick's Day

2008-03-17T00:02:00.002-05:00

Today is my Father-in-law's birthday...Happy Birthday Father Greg! It is also Saint Patrick's Day. Below is a beautiful prayer written by Saint Patrick known as Saint Patrick's Breastplate. Enjoy!

I bind unto myself today
The strong Name of the Trinity,
By invocation of the same
The Three in One and One in Three.

I bind this today to me forever
By power of faith, Christ’s incarnation;
His baptism in Jordan river,
His death on Cross for my salvation;
His bursting from the spicèd tomb,
His riding up the heavenly way,
His coming at the day of doom
I bind unto myself today.

I bind unto myself the power
Of the great love of cherubim;
The sweet ‘Well done’ in judgment hour,
The service of the seraphim,
Confessors’ faith, Apostles’ word,
The Patriarchs’ prayers, the prophets’ scrolls,
All good deeds done unto the Lord
And purity of virgin souls.

I bind unto myself today
The virtues of the star lit heaven,
The glorious sun’s life giving ray,
The whiteness of the moon at even,
The flashing of the lightning free,
The whirling wind’s tempestuous shocks,
The stable earth, the deep salt sea
Around the old eternal rocks.

I bind unto myself today
The power of God to hold and lead,
His eye to watch, His might to stay,
His ear to hearken to my need.
The wisdom of my God to teach,
His hand to guide, His shield to ward;
The word of God to give me speech,
His heavenly host to be my guard.

Against the demon snares of sin,
The vice that gives temptation force,
The natural lusts that war within,
The hostile men that mar my course;
Or few or many, far or nigh,
In every place and in all hours,
Against their fierce hostility
I bind to me these holy powers.

Against all Satan’s spells and wiles,
Against false words of heresy,
Against the knowledge that defiles,
Against the heart’s idolatry,
Against the wizard’s evil craft,
Against the death wound and the burning,
The choking wave, the poisoned shaft,
Protect me, Christ, till Thy returning.

Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me.
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

I bind unto myself the Name,
The strong Name of the Trinity,
By invocation of the same,
The Three in One and One in Three.
By Whom all nature hath creation,
Eternal Father, Spirit, Word:
Praise to the Lord of my salvation,
Salvation is of Christ the Lord.

Drink Coffee Do Good

2008-03-10T01:40:00.005-05:00

For all you coffee drinkers out there, here is a great way to Drink Coffee and Do Good. Land Of A Thousand Hills Coffee is some of the best coffee I have ever had. Tell your Friends!

Boycott California

2008-03-08T18:57:00.002-05:00

My Life With Brutus

2008-03-03T14:52:00.004-05:00

I walked in the kitchen the other day and discovered Brutus (Shaye) scaling the fridge for some food. The camera was sitting on the counter, so I picked it up and starting taking pictures.

Look at that face...how could I do anything but laugh. Even though she is taking years off my life, it's kind of fun!

I Finally Did It

2008-03-01T00:05:00.005-05:00

I have been wanting to do this for about a year now. I just got sick of my hair. So last Friday (February 29th), I took the boys to get a hair cut and told the barber, "just shave it". I almost chickened out so I asked Seth if he would do it with me...he said no way! So like any good Dad I offered him $5.00. This rest is history.

Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed

2008-02-23T22:55:00.002-05:00

Ok, If you have not done so already please watch the trailer for Ben Steins new movie due out this Spring. I can't wait for this movie to hit and cause people to actually think about what they are taught. Anyway, take a few minutes and watch below...It's well worth it!

Quick Trip and Free From Crap

2008-02-21T13:39:00.007-05:00

Last week Renee and I were able to take a quick trip to Maryland. I was having trouble finding a Doc who would shoot me up (with botox) and have my insurance cover it. A good friend in Maryland, Dr. Ross VanAntwerp offered his services the next time I was in town. The last treatment was wearing off so I decided to take him up on it and plan a trip. I was able to find some cheap tix's and decided I would take my great wife with me for the adventure. Kinda crazy but it was cheaper for us to fly to Maryland then pay for the service here...WEIRD!!! Plus it's always good when you get to see your favorite in-laws and share a Yuengling with some old friends.

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE
I am very excited to report that after 4 kids and more than 11 years of changing crappy diapers Shaye (Brutus) has decided that she wants to use the toilet! I have sold my stock in Pampers and finally washed my hands...oh that was kinda gross...sorry!
Here is one of the only pics that we took from last weekends trip.

Sledding At Fitzgerald Park

2008-02-10T23:33:00.000-05:00

Here are some pics from last weeks sledding trip at our local park. Enjoy

Blind In The Art Gallery Of Heaven

2008-02-10T22:47:00.000-05:00

The title of this Blog is a good way to sum me up as of late. In the midst of beauty but unable to enjoy it. I stole the line from the John Piper book I'm reading right now, When I Don't Desire God: How To Fight For Joy. I am realizing that I have lost the joy of my salvation and am having a hard time enjoying God. The book is full of soul searching stuff that I need right now. The one I am processing currently from the book is a quote from N.T. Williams. "The ordinary man may feel ashamed of doing wrong: but the saint, endowed with a superior refinement of moral sensibility, and keener powers of introspection, is ashamed of being the kind of man who is liable to do wrong". I can honestly say that I don't always feel ashamed! I want that conviction, passion, and joy I once had. I want more of God.

It Turned Into A Moment

2008-01-31T14:24:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I went to some store to pay some bills. Shaye decided that she wanted to come with daddy. So here we are in JCPenny's (in the mall) waiting to hand over my hard earned money when Shaye says, "I want some earrings". I looked down at her and questioned if she wanted to get her ears pierced. She said, "yes". I decided right then and there that I was no longer in a hurry (which is hard for me to do) and went for a walk (hand and hand) with my daughter in search of a ear piercing joint. We found a place; she picked out some ear rings, and sat in the chair. The nice lady gave her "the talk", and told me that it was probably not going to work because Shaye would freak out after the first poke. Well, the first one went in and Shaye just sat there...she teared up a little but JUST SAT THERE waiting for the next ring to go in. The lady could not believe it! I was a bit shocked too thinking I was going to have to give some sort of daddy pep talk to finish the job. She did awesome! She was so excited to see herself in the mirror and see those ear rings in. I decided to walk her over to the cookie place for letting me be the proudest dad in the world. I'm learning! I could of totally missed this, instead I shared a moment with my daughter that will make me tear up every time I think about it. I love being a dad!

New Book In My Hands

2008-01-27T20:19:00.000-05:00

I have started and revised a posts on what I have been going through the last 9 months or so. It is so hard to put into words all my thoughts and feelings. So I will just carry on like I never took a break. If I am able to finish my "soul searching" post, you will read it here first and not The Enquire. Anyway, I have started a new book, When I Don't Desire God...How To Fight For Joy by John Piper. Over the course of some time while being in survival mode, I believe I have lost the joy of my salvation. I have forgotten what it means to enjoy God. A lot of this is my own doing. A lot of it is pure laziness. A lot of it was questions I had that I already knew the answer to but was afraid to ask. I am ready to be broken again and rediscover that joy. "For His anger is but for a moment, and His favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes in the morning". Psalm 30:5

Thankful To Be Alive

2008-01-25T12:56:00.001-05:00

This is not the Blog I wanted to make my "comeback" with but life happens. Last Monday I went to Canton (Wayne) Michigan for some training for my EnviroSpect business. After the first day of class I went to the Days Inn where I had a reservation. I checked in and proceeded to the room for some down time. I made the calls to the kids, checked email, turned on the TV and drifted off to never never land. About 4:00 a.m. I was awakened from the noise above me. I thought in my sleepened state that some sort of construction was going on upstairs. A little later, I woke up to some guy yelling, "Mike, Mike". Fell asleep again. Then, BAM...BAM...BAM on the door, "Fire...FIRE"! Some guy yelled as he proceeded down the hall banging on all the doors. I thought, (still thinking construction guys) "what a bunch of a-holes". I rolled over and something said to get up and look out the window. I pulled the drapes to one side and looked across the parking lot to the other hotel building. OH CRAP! I saw the fire in the refection of the window across the way and it was right over my room. In about 30 seconds I packed all my cloths, laptop, and found my keys. I opened the door to the room, unlocked my truck, and threw everything it. As I'm doing this, burning pieces of the hotel are falling around me and I'm scared. I got in my truck and floored it across the parking lot. I got out of my truck and snapped these pics. My room was the 3rd door from the right.

Soon!

2008-01-13T13:37:00.000-05:00

I will be blogging again soon...if you care.

Oh My God

2007-06-03T14:12:00.000-05:00

Oh my God, look around this place
Your fingers reach around the bone
You set the break and set the tone
Flights of grace, and future falls
In present pain
All fools say, "Oh my God"

Oh my God, Why are we so afraid?
We make it worse when we don't bleed
There is no cure for our disease
Turn a phrase, and rise again
Or fake your death and only tell your closest friend
Oh my God.

Oh my God, can I complain?
You take away my firm belief and graft my soul upon your grief
Weddings, boats and alibis
All drift away, and a mother cries

Liars and fools; sons and failures
Thieves will always say
Lost and found; ailing wanderers
Healers always say
Whores and angels; men with problems
Leavers always say
Broken hearted; separated
Orphans always say
War creators; racial haters
Preachers always say
Distant fathers; fallen warriors
Givers always say
Pilgrim saints; lonely widows
Users always say
Fearful mothers; watchful doubters
Saviors always say

Sometimes I cannot forgive
And these days, mercy cuts so deep
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep
While I lay, I dream we're better,
Scales were gone and faces light
When we wake, we hate our brother
We still move to hurt each other
Sometimes I can close my eyes,
And all the fear that keeps me silent falls below my heavy breathing,
What makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder
We all feel the need for wonder
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the thunder

Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven
All the times I thought to reach up
All the times I had to give
Babies underneath their beds
Hospitals that cannot treat all the wounds that money causes,
All the comforts of cathedrals
All the cries of thirsty children - this is our inheritance
All the rage of watching mothers - this is our greatest offense

Oh my God
Oh my God
Oh my God

Artist: Jars of clay
Song: Oh My God
Album: Good Monsters

Oh This Is Great...

2007-04-27T10:19:00.000-05:00

At three minutes and four seconds after 2 AM on the 6th of May this year, the time and date will be 02:03:04 05/06/07. This will never happen again. Awesome!

Hey Char, Isn't this the day you turn 30? OUCH!!!

Corporate Repentance

2007-04-07T13:41:00.000-05:00

"If God's people, every Lord's day, came with repentant hearts and truly begged the Lord to search their hearts, and then with true brokenness of heart repented of their corporate sins before God, oh what a blessing would soon attend the Church!"
From the book Corporate Repentance, The Church's Greatest Hour by S.Randall Toms

Oh God continue to break me...

Too busy (sometimes lazy) To Blog

2007-03-24T16:33:00.000-05:00

The past 3 weeks have been really hard. I am withdrawing from a drug called Ativan that at one time was helping me with the spasms. Every weekend I drop a dose (1mg) of this evil drug. It's funny, one day I started researching this drug and it scared me half to death. I always associated some of my new personality flaws with the dystonia, I see now that alot of the crap I was dealing with was the drug. So about 6 weeks ago I decided to stop taking it. The problem with that is you just can't stop a drug like this....darn it....you have to slowly withdraw from it. Also, two weeks ago I was looking up different thing about dystoia on the internet. I typed something into google and google changed it for me (how nice of google), so I went with it. Well, I saw two words that I would have never put together...Chiropractic Neurology. Two of the articles dealt with dystonia and chiropractic neurology! Link below. There are less then 600 in the U.S. and only one in Michigan. He is an hour drive from Lansing and I have been going three times a week. Then there was the Lansing Home and Garden Show that I had a booth at for EnviroSpect (my mold inspection side company). Last weekend was a long weekend but I think I will get alot of work from being there. Right now I'm in the dumps. I'm sick of being sick...I just want to be better and get back to life as normal. This can't be normal and I refuse to except this as normal. I serve a good God and He will see me through.
For so reason I can't get the link button to work so just copy and paste it...sorry
http://www.functionalrestoration.com/Fall_2003.htm

Last Known Good Configuration

2007-03-05T15:32:00.000-05:00

I found myself today before work trying to sleep and then praying and asking God again to heal me from dystonia. After I prayed "God would you just heal me", I thought of asking for him to take me back to my last known good configuration. You know when your computer (windows) starts to go haywire? And there is that option of taking your computer back to its last known good configuration (usually it does not work but there is that glimmer of hope). Well, I found myself day dreaming for God to take me back to last July (my last known good configuration). Then I started thinking that if He really did this how much I would of missed out on. Let me explain...even though this has been one of the hardest things I have ever gone through (and still going through), I have learned so much. God has shown Himself in so many different ways and because of that I am in a deeper relationship with Him and my family. So even though I entertain the idea of going back to my last known good configuration, I quickly remind myself that I am in his perfect will and I am where he wants me to be. Oh, I'll still pray for that miracle, but there is no way that I would give up what I have learned over the past 8 months. God is faithful, God is perfect, and God knows what He is doing.

The Proud Dad

2007-03-02T22:20:00.000-05:00

Tonight Nik tested and received his purple belt in TKD. He did a great job and I believe (not just cause I'm his Dad) that he blew away the other kids who were testing. He knew his stuff while some of the others had to be "coached" during their testing. I am so proud of him because this was all him. He had to practice, he had to study, he had to test. I could do nothing but sit back and be the proud Dad.

In Need Of You Lord

2007-02-27T21:39:00.000-05:00

Oh Lord I need your strength. I can't do this on my own. The more I get into your Scriptures and into your Presence, I find that each of your commandments seriously accuses me. I am nothing but a miserable sinner. I fail to love you as I should. I fail to live the life of a redeemed man who has met the One who forgives. I turn my eyes from the glory of the cross to the desires of myself. How can I find joy in my salvation when I often despise myself. Oh how I need you Lord. I need you to keep bringing up the ungodliness in my life. I want you to keep walking me through the fire. Refine me Lord, refine me. The deeper you go, the harder it gets, the more I love you. The more I rely on your strength. The more I want you to go to the hard places. The more I trust you. The more I have faith in you. You are truly my everything in this moment that I feel I have nothing to offer. Thank you for being my saviour, my strength, and my redeemer. I am...In Need Of You Lord.

I Should Of Stayed On My Island !!!

2007-02-24T23:09:00.000-05:00

Oh this one is going to tick you off...I hope

Jesus: Tales from the Crypt
Brace yourself. James Cameron, the man who brought you 'The Titanic' is back with another blockbuster. This time, the ship he's sinking is Christianity.

In a new documentary, Producer Cameron and his director, Simcha Jacobovici, make the starting claim that Jesus wasn't resurrected --the cornerstone of Christian faith-- and that his burial cave was discovered near Jerusalem. And, get this, Jesus sired a son with Mary Magdelene.

No, it's not a re-make of "The Da Vinci Codes'. It's supposed to be true..... Here is the link if you want to read the whole thing.
http://time-blog.com/middle_east/
This is just one more reason to have an "island time". To set yourself apart and align your self with God. How many of us are going to believe this stuff because we are not rooted and grounded in the truth. God forgive me and God forgive them for they know not what they do. Oh Lord have mercy.

How Can I Turn From Sin Unless I Turn To You?

2007-02-23T09:33:00.000-05:00

This lent, I'm placing myself on an Island. Not to exclude myself from family and friends. But to find the convictions and passion that will draw me closer to God. The fact of the matter is....I'm not shocked much at anything anymore. What the Scriptures say should repulse me, I have learned to tolerate. I don't want my heart to be hard. I don't want the house of my soul to be narrow to you. I confess that part of my life is in ruins. Like the prayer below, enlarge it so you may enter.

O Lord, who hast mercy upon all,
take away from me my sins,
and mercifully kindle in me
the fire of thy Holy Spirit.
Take away from me the heart of stone,
and give me a heart of flesh,
a heart to love and adore Thee,
a heart to delight in Thee,
to follow and enjoy Thee, for Christ's sake, Amen
St. Ambrose of Milan (AD 339-397)

O Lord,
The house of my soul is narrow;
enlarge it that you may enter in.
It is ruinous, O repair it!
It displeases Your sight.
I confess it, I know.
But who shall cleanse it,
to whom shall I cry but to you?
Cleanse me from my secret faults, O Lord,
and spare Your servant from strange sins.
St. Augustine of Hippo (AD 354-430)

So, How can I turn from sin unless I turn to you? For the next 40 days I'm all thing's God. I'm going to attempt to shock my body back to life. Cleanse it. I'm going to narrow the path of worldly things and (with a crowbar if I have to) enlarge the house of my soul, so He may enter in.

Me Church

2007-02-19T00:53:00.000-05:00

I sat here for almost an hour trying to come up with something to introduce this. I've got nothing. It's funny....but maybe all to real!

One Of The Best Concerts I've Been To

2007-02-15T09:55:00.000-05:00

Last night, me and my new friend, Father Jack went to one of the best concerts I think I have ever been to (yes, even better then the Stryper concert I went to in junior high). It was the "How Great Is Our God Tour" with Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman, and speaker Louie Giglio. It was cool because they purposely shared the stage. They went to great lengths to make sure the spotlight was on God and not on them. They helped sing each other songs and even stepped back out of the spotlight when one of them would share. It was very refreshing to see the humbleness of these two worshippers. I was so looking forward to this concert because Chris Tomlin's Cd's help me a ton during one of the hardest times of my life. I had a hard time not choking up while singing some of the songs because of Gods faithfulness in my life. God met me where I was (a mess) and is still in the process of molding me and shaping me into the man He wants me to be. Louie Giglio in his talk remineded me just how big God is (look at the universe) and yet how he meets all our small needs. I could go on and on about how great this concert was but I will just end with this, well done Chris, Matt, and Louie for showing us How Great Our God Is.

My Day From Hell (Yesterday)

2007-02-14T13:07:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was one of the worst travel days I have ever experienced. Renee and I decided that she and the kids would stay in Maryland for another week and I would fly home. Well, there was a storm a brewin'. I picked the noon day flight for a number of reasons. First, I did not want to wake up early and be rushed out of the house. Second, my father was having to drive to Detroit to pick me up and I did not want him to fight rush hour traffic. So the noonish flight was perfect considering when I was leaving and when I would arrive in Michigan (2:15 pm). It was smooth sailing (or flying) until I got on the plane. Shortly after we were prepared for takeoff the captain informed us that the weather changed and the "guru's" IN TEXAS were not letting us take off. We waited and waited, then the weather changed to finally take to the skies. The captain taxied to the de-iceing pad and right in the middle of de-iceing we were called back to the terminal. The captain had no idea when we might get another window of opportunity to leave so they let us off the airplane to eat, use the restroom, etc. TWO TIMES we were called back to our seats only to find out that the weather had turned again for the worse. Finally, our captain got a bright idea. We would taxi out to the de-icing pad, get de-iced and wait for that window again. About a half hour later we got the ok, and at around 5:30 pm we were in the air. Then in Detroit the weather was worse and roads had a foot of snow on them. It was a long drive home. Needless to say I did not get home until 10:00pm. What a day !!!

Time For A Change

2007-02-04T12:08:00.000-05:00

Last Thursday (I think) I was listen to a John Piper sermon on the Word of God abiding in you. One thing that he said has stuck with me and I have been thinking about it since. He said, "So prayer and the word are interdependent in the way they help us be conformed to the image of Christ." I can honestly say that I do not spend time in the Word as I should. Here I am in the middle of a life changing season and I just figured out that I'm missing half the process. God has dealt with me greatly that past months and I have responded how? God reveals something in my life and I respond how? God starts to mould me and shape me in to the man he wants me to be and I respond how? I pray and cry out to God for him to keep changing me, to go to the hard places in my life and I fail to respond when He answers my cries. How am I suppose to be conformed to the image of Christ if I don't know Him. I know the God who I have created in my mind. The God of my one-sided prayers....meaning, I pray and seek him but when His faithfulness is seen or felt I respond with laziness. We are to have the Word of God abiding in us. The fact is, I'm lazy. I want all the benefits and blessings of God without abiding in him. I have failed my whole Christian life in the area knowing God. And because I don't know God, I don't trust him or love him as I should. I have read some great books, sat under some life changing sermons, and have even done missions work. I'm finding out now it was all in vain. Vain in the since that it was without real significance, value, or importance; baseless and worthless. I don't know God. How can I know Him or tell people about Him...better yet, tell my children about Him, if I fail to have the Word of God in me. This is what I have been missing and It has been right in front of me the whole time. God forgive me. Forgive me for asking you to start a great work in me and failing to respond. Forgive me for not knowing you as I should and not wanting to abide in you. Forgive me for years of failing to read your Word and lost time getting to know You. Once again you are faithful. Once again it's you grace and mercy being poured out on my life. Once again you are giving me a second chance. Thank you for calling me to a life with you. I look forward to picking up your Word and getting to know You. Thank you for loving me to the point that it hurts. It's hard to realize that I'm not the Godly man I thought I was. That hurts. My heart is heavy. My soul now thirsts for you life changing words. Daily with your help, I shall not only meet you in prayer but also in Your Scriptures.
My prayer is this year to become more and more Bible-saturated. May the Lord say to me at the end of 2007, “You are strong, and the word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the evil one.” (1 John 2:14)

Still Holding On

2007-02-02T13:45:00.000-05:00

As I sit down to write this I feel myself welling up inside. Not knowing what God is doing or where He taking me on this journey is scary at times. Do I trust Him enough to carry me through? Do I love Him like I should? These are hard questions that I dwell on daily while examine my heart. Deuteronomy 30 says, " And the Lord your God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your descendants, to love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, that you might live." Later in the chapter we come to, " that you may love the Lord your God, that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days:" Oh God circumcise my heart....forgive me for not obeying your voice like I should. I long to love you as I should, to hear you and cling to you. Cause me to love you more. I want to glorify you with my life and right now I know I fail miserably. Thank you my Savior, for continuing to hold my feet to the fire. For not giveing up on me. For calling my name daily to walk the path you have set forth. You are my strength. You are my comfort. You are my life.
Teach me Your way, O Lord
I will walk in Your truth
Unite my heart to fear Your name
I will praise You, O Lord my God, with my whole heart
And I will Glorify Your name forevermore
For great is Your mercy toward me
And You have delivered my soul form the depths of Sheol. Amen
(Psalm 86:11-13)
Oh how I love your mercy and grace.

Botox Update

2007-01-17T16:24:00.000-05:00

The Botox is in....I repeat, the Botox is in.
Thanks to everyone for their ongoing prayers and support.

At this point, healing for Dystonia is secondary

2007-01-12T07:27:00.000-05:00

Hear, O LORD, and answer me, for I am poor and needy. Guard my life, for I am devoted to You. You are my God; save Your servant who trusts in You. Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I call to You all day long. Bring joy to Your servant, for to You, O Lord, I lift up my soul. You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to You. Hear my prayer, O LORD; listen to my cry for mercy. In the day of my trouble I will call to You, for You will answer me. Teach me Your way, O LORD, and I will walk in Your truth; give me and undivided heart, that I may fear Your name. Turn to me and have mercy on me; grant Your strength to Your servant. Give me a sign of Your goodness, that my enemies my see it and be put to shame, for You, O LORD, have helped me and comforted me. Amen (from Psalm 86:1-7, 11, 16-17)
Oh how I needed this prayer this morning... about 3 hours after posting my blog last night, I failed as a husband, father, and spiritual head of the house. I am at a loss... God keeps working, and digging, and tearing, and stripping me down... but for what? I'm more angry than I've ever been, more confused then ever. I JUST WANT TO BE MADE WHOLE....HEALED. I want God to finish this work....It hurts. I am nothing now (so I think) and ready for the great potter to mold me and shape me into his masterpiece. Maybe he as already started the process and that's my problem. All that twisting, turning, stretching to make something. I've been praying daily for God to heal me from my physical ailments and I'm seeing that needs to be secondary. Who cares if I have Dystonia....I want God to be Glorified with my life. Weather I have some physical problem or not, I want to be a Godly man and this is the process. I invited Him to do it and he will be faithful to help me and comfort me. Forgive me Father for my unbelief and sin of holding on to my old self. Give me that undivided heart. Just like the prayer above...YOU ARE FORGIVING AND GOOD.
Glory in the Highest!

Do I really know God?

2007-01-11T19:14:00.000-05:00

I have found out the past couple of days that I don't take up my cross as I should, that I don't love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength, and I have no joy. I was down in the dumps Tuesday night when I went to bed. Renee was trying to encourage me but my remarks were not that of a follower of Christ. I was not doing good and was not about to hid it. I hated who I was and was depressed because I could not put pieces together. God has been dealing with me on a number of areas and I was spent. Here I am in pieces, naked to the world and I just wanted to be fixed in some area of my life. Where was God? When does the process start of being a new man? When can I see progress in my life when it comes to the things of God? Cause right now it ain't pretty!!! Tuesday night sucked....but I woke up Wednesday, grab some coffee, grab my books, and started reading. The first book was The Lord Will Answer (It's a daily prayer catechism book). Here was the prayer for the day:
How long, O LORD? Will You forget me forever? How long will you hide Your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for He has been good to me. Amen (from Psalm 13:1-6)
So as you might imagine I had some tears in my eyes. Then I picked up Pipers book. I started reading and the tears kept flowing. God, again was showing me that I wasn't alone and still needed some more work. Here is what came next...
To love God we must know Him. God would not be honored by groundless love. In fact, there is no such thing. If we do not know anything about God, there is nothing in our mind to awaken love. If love does not come from knowing God, there is no point in calling it love for God. There may be some vague attraction in our heart or some unfocused gratitude in our souls, but if they do not arise from knowing God, they are not love for God.
I was floored. Even typing it out 2 days later brings tears to the eyes. How could I have become so lazy in my faith that I only have now a vague attraction with God. I don't know God like I should because I don't love him as I should. Scary. Once again, through all the pain and evil in my heart that he is operating on. I am grateful. I want to love God, and we will love Him to the degree that we know Him, and I want to know him.

"I've become to myself a wasteland"

2007-01-06T11:26:00.000-05:00

Lately this is how I've felt. When I read the quote in Saint Augustine's Confessions, I said to myself, "yeah, that's how I feel." Today is the beginning of the Epiphany Season. In one of the many books I'm reading now, The Lord Will Answer, It gives a short definition of Epiphany. It reads...."The Greek word epiphaneia refers to the appearance of a god among mortals. The same word was adapted to describe the visit of a king to a favored city. He was greeted with pomp. Days were spent in feasting and revelry, all at the king's expense.
The epiphany of Jesus is the Lord's gracious appearance to His people with signs and wonders and favors given at His own expense." I need (and trust) that this season The Lord will visit me and help clean up my wasteland. He has started a great work in me and He will be faithful to complete it. I know I'm a better man since this has all started, I just have some issues that are hard to let go. I need the Lord to continue to break me, show me my wasteland of a heart. It's so hard when your shown your not the man you think you are! Thank you God for visiting me and drawing me near. Thank you for saving me...again. I look forward to this season with you my Lord.
Answer me when I call to You, O my righteous God. Give me relief form my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer. How long, O LORD, will people turn Your glory into shame? How long will they love delusions and seek false gods? LORD, You have set apart the godly for Yourself; You will hear when I call. Let the light of Your face shine upon us, O LORD. I will lie down and sleep in peace, for You alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety. Amen
(from Psalm 4:1-3, 6-8)

Glory in the Highest

2007-01-05T21:08:00.000-05:00

We were sitting around doing what ever we do with Chris Tomlin's new CD playing in the background. The song Glory in the Highest came on and my six year old Seth looks up from playing and asks, "What does Glory in the Highest mean?" It was a question that kind of took me back. Renee looked at me and I looked at her, both wondering (I think) who was going to try and answer this one. It has been about 5 days and that question has been in the back of my mind ever since. I have come to the humble realization that my answer (even today) would not do it justice. It's always in the back of my mind now and I'm trying to wrap what little understanding I have about God around this. This is the classic case of the more I study the less I know. The more I try to press in and find out more about God, the more I feel like a stranger. Why can't I answer this question? On one hand, what right do I have even have trying to explain God's Glory? Yet, on the other hand I want to understand!!! I want to know Him more. I have been learning so much lately but yet can't seem to put the pieces together. All I can do is keep pressing in. Keep trusting that he is putting me back together the way He wants. And even though I cant wrap my head around his Glory right now...the little I do know, HE IS, GLORY IN THE HIGHEST.

GLORIA

GLORY, GLORY, GLORY IN THE HIGHEST
GLORY, GLORY, GLORY IN THE HIGHEST

LORD GOD OF HEAVEN
ALMIGHTY GOD
WE GIVE YOU THANKS O LORD
GLORY IN THE HIGHEST

GLORY, GLORY, GLORY IN THE HIGHEST
GLORY, GLORY, GLORY IN THE HIGHEST

LORD JESUS CHRIST
SON OF THE FATHER
YOU TAKE AWAY OUR SINS
HAVE MERCY ON US

GLORY, GLORY, GLORY IN THE HIGHEST
GLORY, GLORY, GLORY IN THE HIGHEST

FOR YOU ALONE
FOR YOU ALONE
FOR YOU ALONE ARE GOD
HOSANNA IN THE HIGHEST

GLORY, GLORY, GLORY IN THE HIGHEST
GLORY, GLORY, GLORY IN THE HIGHEST

AMEN, AMEN.

Another layer being torn (ripped) away

2006-12-30T18:13:00.000-05:00

I received as a gift John Pipers new book for Christmas, What Jesus Demands From the World." It started off slow cause the first demands were about being born again (I'm OK there), repenting (I could do more, but it was in terms of being born again and confessing before one accepts Jesus as their Lord and Savior), coming to him and believing in him. So this morning I get up and grab a cup of coffee, book and start on demand # 5....Love Me. I would like to share a paragraph that knocked me on my butt. Keep in mind the book is about what Jesus demands.
"He demands, for example, that we rejoice in certain circumstances (Matt. 5:12), and that we fear the right person (Luke 12:5), and that we not feel shame over him (Luke 9:26), and that we forgive from the heart (Matt. 18:35), and so on. If a feeling is proper to have, Jesus can demand it. The fact that I may be too corrupt to experience the emotions that I ought to have does not change my duty to have them. If Jesus commands it, I should have it. My moral inability to produce it does not remove my guilt; it reveals my corruption. It makes me desperate for a new heart-which Jesus came to give".
I have a strange feeling that I'm too corrupt at times to fully love Jesus. I thank God that he is revealing my corruption and inability to produce this love at times. I want to be desperate for that new heart. I want that new heart. Oh God, continue to break me down and make me the man that I was created to be. Thank you Jesus for another layer of myself being peeled away and exposed for what it is...sin. Forgive me Lord for not loving you.

Concerning The Book Of Common Prayer

2006-12-24T19:41:00.000-05:00

"The Prayer Book is the Bible in devotional form. More than two-thirds of the Prayer Book is Scripture quoted word for word, and the remaining one-third is the Scripture in essence just paraphrased enough to put it in devotional form. If you were to take out of the Prayer Book everything that is Scripture, or a paraphrase of Scripture, you would have little left but the covers." William E. Cox

9/11/3 B.C.

2006-12-22T11:01:00.000-05:00

One of our friends, Jim Gilbert, just posted on his blog something worth reading. The blog entry is titled 9/11/3. It's one of the articles that make you go...huh. I could not believe what I was reading. Very, Very interesting. So go... read it... come back and tell me what you think.

All That I Am

2006-12-21T15:39:00.001-05:00

O Lord, come to me and use my bread, silver, and gold. How well they are used if I spend them in Your service. Amen
Martin Luther, 1483-1546

Eternal Father, You teach me and ask me to rely on You in all things. It is Your Earnest desire to be my God. Therefore, I must regard You as God or suffer the loss of eternal salvation. My heart shall neither build nor rely on anything else, whether it be property, wisdom, power, purity, or any other creature. Amen
Martin Luther, 1483-1546

Through it all, all that I have and am I give to you. Make me more like you O Lord. Cause me to love you more. Cause me to give you my all. Even in the midst of the fire, I pray for more heat. Refine me in the fire like gold and silver for use in your service. For Your Anger is but for a moment, and Your favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning. Thank you O Lord, I look forward to that morning.

How Can I Keep From Singing....even with my voice

2006-12-19T13:17:00.000-05:00

Then You Will Call, And The LORD Will Answer; You Will Cry For Help, And He Will Say: HERE AM I. - Isaiah 58:9

There are so many things God is showing me right know it's hard to put into words. I would of never thought that I could be stripped down as much as He as has done. I would of never thought I needed it....scary uh. Whether It's John Pipers teaching on Romans 8:28, daily prayer with the family, or just listening to Chris Tomlin's CD's, I'm on the verge of tears. I cry out for help almost every hour of the day now, and true to his Scriptures He says, "Here Am I". And the more he answers the more I see what a wretched man I am. I am not worthy to call upon his name, how dare I even speak the Holy name of Jesus. Who am I? I'm ticked off at myself most of the time because of the daily struggles....almost to the point of hating myself. My anger gets the best of me most and my wife and children get the brunt of it. I hate what I'm going through but then again I find peace with Scripture like Romans 8:28....And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good. As screwed up as I am I love God. Everyday It seems to grow as he works and shapes me into the man he wants me to be. I have never been worked on this much in my life. Then again I have never been in this position where I have had to trust him more, needing his strength, and finding his rest. There is so much to be thankful for. How can I keep from singing....
Here is a song from Chris Tomlin that makes my point....Enjoy

There is an endless song
Echoes in my soul
I hear the music ring

And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing

I will lift my eyes
In the darkest night
For I know my Savior lives

And I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through
And sing the songs You give

I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And fall down again
I can sing 'cause You pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there
I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer
I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know
That I'll sing with the angels
And the saints around the throne

I'm not the man I used to be...

2006-12-16T12:48:00.000-05:00

O Lord, who am I that I should presume to enter the Presence of the King of Kings! I am not worthy that Thou shouldst come unto me, but say the word only, AND I SHALL BE HEALED.

Times have been hard the last 6 months. It's hard going through something that you know nothing about and even the so called specialist know very little on. Then there is the whole why me factor. I mean, here I am, totally healthy one day then over the period of a week I'm laying on the floor hugging a pillow for comfort. For you who don't know, I have Retrocollis which is a form of Cervical Dystonia. I have been to specialist who just look at me and tell me that I should not have this "disease". The funny thing is it's not a disease....It's the symptom of a disease....but they have no idea what the disease is.
I have so may thoughts and feelings going through me at times it gets very overwhelming. I feel at times that I have been rob of being a husband, father, and provider. I have never questioned God on why I got Dystonia but at times I can't help wonder why. I know from The Bible that God does cause certain things to happen to his people. Look at what Job went through, what God put Jonah "in" and Paul had the thorn in his side, just to name a few. So I never questioned God, what I did do is try to trust Him more. Which is hard because I have always considered myself a very blessed man and when your laying on the floor not being able to function, not knowing if your even going to make it.....it gets scary. I am blessed with a great wife, 4 kids that are going to change the world, good job, house, and so on and so on. I felt why did you even bless me with all these things if I cant even be a husband, or go outside and play with my kids. All I could do is lay on the floor and spasm. I was turning in to a man that I did not know....I was not the man I used to be. I was stripped of all I thought and was. Reduced to nothing in my mind. Everything in me was shaken. My character challenged. My wife....my wife was by my side with unconditional love and support. My faith was strong somehow. Everyday we pressed in, we had to, we had no other choice. Our kids were watching how I (and Renee) were handling this suffering and life changing event. They were involved in the crying sessions and prayer times. They knew something was up and I wanted, even in the midst of my suffering show them how faithful our God is. Renee is a rock and she kept reminding me of the life lessons we are teaching the kids. She kept pushing me towards righteousness. God has changed me as a person. I have been able to find joy in the midst of suffering. It's been a heck of a search but I have found it. I wouldn't wish this so called disease on anyone but God had other plans for me. I thank God for going through this, as hard as that is to say....I'm glad. I am a changed man because of this. I'm not the man I used to be.....I'm better. Even in the suffering, pain, and spasms, I'm a better man because of His faithfulness.

Investing in the Rapture

2006-12-15T16:07:00.000-05:00

Hoping to speed Second Coming, some Christians invest in 'anti-christ' companies

MANCHESTER, Mass. — Laney Thompson believes the Rapture of the church is imminent, and she is so eager to get to her heavenly abode that last week she bought 215 shares of a bio-metrics company, Lazer-I.
"The company is pure evil," she says gleefully while perusing her online trading account. Lazer-I makes equipment which scans fingerprints and eyes, which vendors have begun using in place of credit cards.
Like a growing number of market-savvy Christians, Thompson hopes to speed Christ's appearing by investing in technologies she associates with the Last Days: micro-chip implants, international banks, bio-metrics, even GPS tracking devices.
One mutual fund company has created Last Days Funds, or LDFs, which group together companies whose "products are likely to foster conditions consistent with the Last Days, as described in the Bible."
"I don't see anything wrong with helping the world to get worse," says Alison Chambers of Pittsburgh, a mother of two who checks her family's LDF investments daily. When shares tick up in price she says she "can almost feel the Rapture coming on."
Even some non-believers are adding LDFs to their portfolios, just in case the biblical scenario turns out to be true.
"I'm not a Christian," says one financial investor, "but if the End Times happen like these people believe, I want to be wealthy enough to hide out in the Bahamas." •
Lark News

The Anglican Way

2006-12-12T12:07:00.000-05:00

O Saviour of the world, Who by Thy Cross and Precious Blood hast redeemed us, save us and help us, we humbly beseech Thee, O Lord. Amen
I love the Anglican way of life. I love the deep HISTORICAL ties that it has. I love the SOUND THEOLOGICAL DOCTRINE that has been tested and died for by our Church Fathers. I love the fact that we have the Creeds ( Apostles, Nicene and Athanasian), and the Counsels that they came from. I love the Catechisms and what they do, not only for our chlildren but what they remind us of as we teach it to our "future". What a foundation it builds...the Ten Commandments, the Creeds, the Lords Prayer, the Sacraments of Holy Communion and Holy Baptism, Confession and Prayer. I love the Book of Common Prayer and the rich prayers that are in them. Being Anglican has changed my life. I could go even farther and say that it saved my life. It has made me more solid in my faith. It has caused me to dig in and THINK. When I was a charasmatic it was all about feelings and the newest teaching to come down the pike. Now, I have to be carefull here because I still have some charasmatic in me....I think part of that is important for a balanced Christian life. However, when one is able to think and study out the Word of God and have thousands of years that you can draw from being Anglican, I think thats a little more solid than what you "feel" or more sound than the newest teaching on the 7 god heads. We have numerous things to make sure we are getting and teaching "the faith that was once delivered to the saints". Father Greg Carr once said, "the water closest to the fountion is the purest". I am honoured and humbled to be able to pass this along to my children.

One more thing thats great about being Anglican. Anglicans can sit around, have a couple of beers and talk about Theology. Wake up the next morning feeling great and challanged by the talk the night before. Charamatics would feel guilty all night and wake up in the morning feeling the need to repent because they sinned!?!

What a way to start a blog

2006-12-10T18:57:00.000-05:00

O My God, I believe in Thee, I hope in Thee and I love Thee and I grieve that I have so often offended Thee by my sins, and I resolve henceforth by Thy Grace and Mercy to lead a better life.

From The Practice of Religion, found on page 211.

This is has been my prayer as of late. I want to lead a better life and that is only done by his Grace and Mercy. I know that my sins grieve God, the question is... am I grieved by it? Am I grieved that it grieves God? A lot of the time I must admit that answer is no. I want to feel the weight of my sins and grieve when I offend God by my sins. I believe prayer shapes a man, and I pray that this prayer shapes me to lead a better life.