God Is Good!

It’s kind of funny how you forget something’s…Renee and I were talking before she left for her trip to MD. She made the reference that it had been a hard and stressful two years. I asked her what she was talking about with the statement that it had only been about a year since we decided to move Grandma in and start construction. She just looked at me and said, “Are you serious?” I had totally forgotten about me and the HELL we went though as a family!
It has been two years now since I woke up one morning to constant spasms in my neck that would literally force me to find comfort face down on the floor hugging a pillow. It slowly got worse with a new day bringing more challenges on how to lead a normal life. Renee took me to the ER two times because the pain and position the spasms would put me in made it difficult to breath. Because of some of the meds I was put on I would either sleep my life away or be up all night with suicidal thoughts. I could not function, let alone work, and the simplest task like giving my girls a bath became too much to bear. When I could stand it, time was spent on the internet trying to find out what this could be. At one point we thought it could be some sort of tumor on my spine putting pressure on my neck thus causing the spasms. But after a second option (after second option) by (many) Dr’s looking over my MRI’s that was ruled out.
At this point, we had no idea what was going on… so we pressed in, turning to the only comfort and strength we knew…GOD!
I seriously thought that I was dying a slow death! Each day now was more of a struggle then the day before. So out of desperation I convinced my family Dr. to give me a referral to the best Neuro / Movement Disorder Dr. in Michigan. I can’t recall his name, but it really sucks to go to one of the best Dr.’s around and have him look at you and say, “I have no idea why you are like this”. My (our) hope was crushed… another road that lead to nowhere. Another possible weight that could have been lifted now rests more heavy upon me. Why would I need a fear of drowning when breathing was taking everything I had! I could go on and on about the trials, the desperation, the heartache my family had. But now I would rather tell you why I think I forgot all about it…How could I forget…it was such a huge part of our life just a mere two years ago. Two years ago I was lying face down on the floor thinking I was dying…AND I FORGOT!?!
I have pondered that very thought the past weeks when I have been doing projects around the house. I would ask the question over and over in my mind and I could only come up with one answer…because GOD IS GOOD AND GRACIOUS! Yes, God is good…that is it…because God is Good! I am almost brought back to tears thinking of his goodness to me and our family. It’s not easy to write, it has taken a while to get here! I questioned where my blessings were, why I was being afflicted with pain and why this was happening when Renee and I have tried to do everything right. I could have easily failed. I could have easily given up. But one thing kept coming to mind... my kids were watching! How many others have been put to “the test” and failed? How many other ‘Christians” can write that God is good and truly believe it? How many of us still have the joy of salvation? My back was against the wall and it was time to believe in what I said I believed in. It was time to work out my salvation and I did not want to fail. Other people would have been affected by my decisions and eternal things were at stake. I always said that I wanted to glorify God in all that I did, but that is a little harder to say when storms arise. I had a lifetime of studying and learning the things of God but now I had to live it out. That was the hard part…living out what I truly believe. And I can say now with undeniable truth that that God is good. I have seen the face of Mercy, I have held the hand of comfort, and I have felt the loving touch of my Father. His goodness echo’s in my soul and I am the better man for walking through that time. For I have persevered though the night and found the promise of JOY in the morning. He has restored my thoughts and made something so tragic become a distant memory. It is because of His great mercy that I was able to withstand the fire. A fire that could have consumed me, instead…refined me!

So the reason I forgot was because it is no longer a tragic part of my life…it was a blessing!